Dear Abby >> I have been married for 17 years to a good man with many great attributes. However, our relationship lacks connection. Every effort at emotional connection is initiated by me (like planning date nights or going out for a walk to have a conversation). I have told him many times I need him to make an effort to initiate. He always agrees, but never follows through.

I have now stopped planning date nights and told him that we won’t be going on a date unless he schedules and plans it. That was two months ago, and he has made zero effort.

I am lonely and at a loss. What should I do? I have clearly communicated my needs and what I expect from him, and he doesn’t seem to care, so I’m not sure where to go from here.

— Lonely in Minnesota

Dear Lonely >> Has it not occurred to you that your husband of 17 years may not have the ability or experience to plan an outing? Assuming the two of you enjoy those walks and dates, and you want to stay married to him, resume taking the initiative and planning your personal time together and show him how it’s done. It may not be romantic, but I have heard of men who have far worse flaws.

Dear Veterans >> For your service to our nation, I salute you. My thanks to each of you on this Veterans Day. You personify patriotism, self-sacrifice and dedication to our country. I would also like to recognize your families for the sacrifices they, too, have made while you were serving your country.

— Love, Abby

Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.