Dear Eric >> I live in a small town about five hours from my parents, who live in the biggest city in our state. They have a beautiful home with a great downstairs room that is perfect to stay in when I visit. My father has Parkinson’s, so I make it up close to every month to hang out and try to make life for my mom a little easier. Sometimes I’ll go up with a friend for a concert and my parents welcome that person or persons with open arms, cooking meals and letting us use their house.

But lately some of my friends who have joined me on these trips have now become buddies with my mom and are asking her if they can stay up there without me. Now the first time this happened, the friend called me and asked if I was OK with him asking, but the second time it was a different friend wanting to stay there with his girlfriend and he never asked me.

For some reason it feels like being taken advantage of and I let him know that I wasn’t comfortable with the situation and felt like there needs to be boundaries. In the aftermath they treat me like I’m the bad guy because my mom was OK with them staying so they blame me for making it “weird.” Am I in the wrong here and should I just let my mom deal with it or is it good to set some boundaries?

— Full House

Dear House >> Boundaries are great, and boundaries are internal – they’re guardrails that we set for ourselves regarding what we will and won’t accept or do. Other people don’t have to follow our boundaries, however. When they don’t, there can be consequences, but boundaries aren’t edicts.

So, it’s good that you expressed the way you felt – otherwise you’d be stewing. And, honestly, I don’t think it’s totally unreasonable to ask your friends to check in with you before crashing with your parents, even if it’s just a heads-up. But we can’t force other people to behave in the ways that we want. If your parents don’t feel taken advantage of, then it’s best to let them play host when they so desire, trusting that if it was an inconvenience, they’d say no.

There’s no bad guy here. Weirdness happens; weird feelings happen. I wish your friends had been able to see your point-of-view and talk it out. But it’s not too late to circle back with them and reset.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com