Most of us don’t break all at once. We erode — one painful experience, one argument, one sleepless night at a time. Day upon day, month upon month, stress takes its toll.

When we think of “trauma” we often think of one devastating event — a horrible car accident, a fire, a shooting. We know that these events can cause significant distress in those who experience them. But we often miss the trauma that results from repeated events or stressors that appear on a daily basis.

As a psychologist and clinical director of counseling support services at YWCA Sonoma County (24/7 domestic violence crisis hotline 707-546-1234), where we specialize in therapy for survivors of trauma, I see the impact of toxic stress every day.

Being subjected to abusive behavior and living with someone whose moods and actions are unpredictable can lead to a constant feeling of dread, knots in your chest, churning in your stomach that never really goes away. These accumulated experiences can cause our bodies’ stress response to stay on for long periods of time with no real break.

So, what is toxic stress? Stress triggers a physical response in humans that involves an increase in hormones and chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol. We may get headaches or stomachaches, have trouble sleeping or even go into fight-or-flight mode.

Normal stress has an off switch. Toxic stress doesn’t. Toxic stress has us in a constant state of active stress response, making dread and sleeplessness a permanent backdrop to daily life. Without adequate support, this can cause problems with physical health, mental health and even cognitive impairment in some cases. It hollows out our resilience. Toxic stress can live in our bodies in the same way that trauma does.

But there is hope. You don’t have to carry this alone, and you don’t have to hit rock bottom to ask for help. May is Mental Health Awareness Month, a time to evaluate and focus on how we are protecting ourselves from toxic stress in a world full of daily stressors.

How can you get a break from your stress response? How do you relax? What activities do you get lost in, where you are so focused that you lose track of time? What brings you joy and how can you work it into your routine? How do you creatively express how you are feeling about these stressors? Where are your personal boundaries and when is it time to say no? At what point do you need to turn off the news or take a break from social media?

Most importantly, who is your community and how do you connect to them? Is it your family, your neighbors, your book club, your church community? Social and emotional connections and a sense of belonging within a community are important buffers against stress.

Reach out to your community, your support people, a therapist and stop your stress from becoming toxic. YWCA Sonoma County is an important ally to survivors of trauma, offering specialized short and long-term therapy services to help them gain an understanding of trauma and develop healthy strategies to cope with life stressors.

Learn more at ywcasc.org.

Meghan Nuñez, a licensed psychologist, is clinical director of counseling support services at YWCA Sonoma County.