By Vicki Salemi

Dear Reader>> When conflicts at work emerge, how can you effectively handle them?

According to a 2008 study published by CPP Inc. (now known as The Myers-Briggs Company), publishers of the Myers-Briggs Assessment and the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument, employees dealt with conflict nearly three hours every week. While that’s not exactly yesterday and the workplace has evolved over the past two decades, specifically including remote and hybrid work, the definition remains the same. The study defined conflict as the following: “any workplace disagreement that disrupts the flow of work.”

Since it’s not a matter of if, but when conflicts emerge at work, there are several things to keep in mind. First, in person conversations are more effective than on the phone or through a screen, but take a few deep breaths, keep your cool and remain level-headed.

Chris Nelms, licensed clinical therapist and HR executive at Brinker International, said, “Conflict at work is rarely just about the surface issue; it’s about competing beliefs, unmet needs and a lack of shared understanding. When those aren’t addressed, even the most well-intended conversations can spark defensiveness or disengagement.

“The first step in reducing resistance is curiosity. Before jumping into correction mode, ask: What belief might be guiding their behavior? What belief might be guiding mine? People don’t resist feedback; they resist feeling misunderstood, controlled, or shamed…The goal isn’t to win the conversation. The goal is to preserve the relationship while moving the work forward.”

Laura Crandall, executive coach and founder of management consulting firm Slate Communication, said one of the biggest mistakes people make is slipping into avoidance mode. “When it finally gets so bad that people are complaining that they haven’t had the conversation yet, they rush and blurt out the problem in a vomitous stream of criticism without any context. It increases confusion and anger simultaneously and at top speed.”

Before the conversation begins to attempt diffusing the conflict, Crandall suggested organizing both your thoughts and your feelings. “Taking time to reflect on the specific issue and your own expectations makes the conversation more grounded from the beginning,” said Crandall. “Be willing to listen and to observe before you speak — especially if things are contentious. Difficult conversations often contain a lot of new or unexplored information. Be willing to learn in the conversation.”

Going beyond the conversation, or multiple ones, workplace conflict may extend beyond individual people into the culture. The reverse also rings true. By having a healthier workplace that fosters trust, communication and ongoing conversations for solid relationships, conflict may be prevented.

Vicki Salemi is a career expert for Monster, author, speaker, consultant, TV commentator and former corporate recruiter. For more information, visit www.vickisalemi.com. On Instagram @vickisalemi. Send your questions to hello@vickisalemi.com./Tribune News Service