Dear Abby >> I am a 43-year-old woman who has struggled with self-esteem and personal relationships my entire life. My fiance and I have talked in depth about past trauma, but it wasn’t until within the past year that I’ve realized how much of an impact my mother had on those aspects of my life.

From as far back as I can remember, she always told me that from the moment I was born, she had a hard time connecting with me, and I wasn’t loving toward her. How could that have possibly been something I caused? I suspect she may have had postpartum issues, and she is now a fully diagnosed bipolar individual.

I watch her have functional relationships with lots of other people, but still, to this day, we have almost no connection. I feel guilty about the state of our relationship but worse when I witness the way she treats others compared to me. Am I a terrible daughter?

— Disconnected in Ohio

Dear Disconnected >> If what your mother said is true, remember that for the most part, children react lovingly toward people who are loving to them. You are not responsible for your mother’s diagnosed mental illness, which may be why she had so much trouble relating to you. You are not a terrible daughter. If you have any doubts about what I have written, please consult a licensed mental health professional who can help you understand that you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.