Dear Eric >> My son and niece had been friends since childhood but had a falling out about a decade ago. She confessed that she was cheating on her husband and thinking of leaving him and their 6-year-old daughter. My son suggested she talk to a professional before making a rash decision. She then stopped talking to him for years.

Her husband was also cruel to my son at the time, though he didn’t know about the affair.

After a few awkward family holiday dinners, my son started to stay away if she was going to be there. This really upsets me, and I keep asking him to attend. I’ve also been asking him for years to reconcile with her, which just seems to make him more stubborn. It’s the only thing we fight about. What can I do to make him let this go?

— Caught in the Middle

Dear Middle >> Why should he be the one to let this go? I don’t see anything in your letter about your niece or her husband trying to make amends for what they did to your son. And, from your telling, your son didn’t do anything wrong. So, when you press him to come to these awkward dinners, it probably sounds to him like you’re taking your niece’s side. I’m curious why that is.

I’d encourage you to see things from his perspective and extend compassion to him. The awkwardness of these dinners is not his fault. Your niece stopped talking to him for years; her husband was cruel. I wouldn’t want to eat with these people either.

With all this past unhappiness, the worst outcome would be for this disagreement to poison your relationship with your son, too. So, stop bringing it up. If you want to mend things, tell him that you shouldn’t have been pressuring him and you’re sorry.

Dear Eric >> I am troubled by your advice to Depressed about Disorder, the woman who felt her husband’s idea of a clean house was not up to her standards.

Your advice included: “Moreover, if you’re bringing in the money to pay for [a cleaning service], your husband’s veto should have no power.”

I have been married for more than 50 years and during this time, my husband worked while I stayed at home to raise our four children. We have always felt that his paycheck was “our money” and decisions were made by both of us. Under no circumstances does the wage earner have the right to dismiss the ideas or concerns of the stay-at-home partner.

— Equal Pay

Dear Equal Pay >> I chose the wrong words. I certainly don’t think that one earner’s paycheck entitles them to more say in a marriage or partnership. What I was trying to say was that sometimes you buy yourself things to make yourself happy. But a relationship is about communication, not receipts. So, this couple needs to feel comfortable with what their money is being spent on. I didn’t mean to denigrate anyone based on what they bring into the home, and I apologize.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.