Dear Eric >> I’m close friends with one of my sisters-in-law but not the other, Betty. Betty and I used to be close until jealousy came between us. She was jealous that her brother and I were the first to get married, have kids and reach other milestones. She is also very sensitive, so I’ve felt like I need to walk on eggshells, especially after she confided to my husband that she thinks I complain too much. In short, I don’t feel like I can share my joys or my struggles with her.

I am cordial toward her, but I do not make an effort beyond being polite and kind.

I’ve been going through an intense period of stress and burnout for almost two years. A few months ago, I had a mental breakdown. Since then, Betty has made several attempts at rekindling our former friendship. I haven’t reciprocated. Mentally and emotionally, I am still very burned out and I don’t have the emotional energy to restore a complicated friendship.

Based on previous patterns of behavior, I know that it’s just a matter of time before my husband is told either by Betty or their parents that she’s hurt that I’m not reciprocating. I know I will be asked why and feel pressured to make more of an effort.

How do I set a boundary and explain that I’m not interested in restoring this relationship right now, without further complicating the situation?

— Not Ready to Make Nice

Dear Not Ready >> Being proactive will really help you and Betty here. Reach out to Betty first and tell her that you’ve noticed (and perhaps appreciate) her desire to rekindle a friendship and you want to acknowledge that. Then let her know that you’re still in a tough place and that you just don’t have a lot of capacity.

This is a little more “it’s not you, it’s me” than I’d like, but what seems most important is that you right-size Betty’s expectations before this becomes a family issue. Acknowledging her efforts keeps her feelings from getting hurt, and being honest about what you can and can’t offer right now saves you from having to reject her outright.

It also gives her useful information that will, ideally, help her be a better friend. Hopefully, she’s self-aware enough to be able to hear what you’re asking for. Sometimes the most loving thing a person can do is give us space and the most loving thing we can do is ask for it.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com