Vikings at Seahawks (+2½)

Fashion Police were on high alert last week as the Vikings won in all white while Seattle lost in all-highlighter. Many viewers said the Seahawks’ technicolor green uniforms hurt their eyes and made them nauseous, though Robert F. Kennedy Jr. claimed those symptoms were caused by the polio vaccine.

Pick: Vikings by 3

Lions at Bears (+6½)

Detroit’s Super Bowl express is coming to a screeching halt thanks to a devastating rash of injuries to its star players including Aidan Hutchinson and David Montgomery. The Lions are so depleted at this point that they would have a difficult time defeating Kamala Harris.

Pick: Lions by 17

Rams at Jets (+3½)

Aaron Rodgers, looking to immunize himself from more scrutiny of the Jets’ 4-10 record, changed the subject by telling Pat McAfee that vaccines are a “multibillion-dollar propaganda psyop.” It’s the sharpest criticism yet by the multimillion-dollar propaganda psycho.

Pick: Rams by 7

Titans at Colts (-4½)

All-pro running back Jonathan Taylor likely destroyed Indianapolis’ playoff hopes by dropping the ball just short of the goal line, costing them a vital touchdown in their loss in Denver. It’s the most boneheaded move in Colts history by somebody not named Irsay.

Pick: Colts by 7

Buccaneers at Cowboys (+3½)

Former Heisman Trophy winner Herschel Walker has been chosen by President-elect Donald Trump to be the next ambassador to the Bahamas. Officials of that Caribbean nation are not impressed and are already offering to trade Walker back to the Vikings.

Pick: Buccaneers by 3

Giants at Falcons (-9½)

Atlanta’s $180 million man Kirk Cousins has been benched in favor of first-round draft pick Michael Penix Jr. The former Vikings quarterback has been so poor lately that he could probably start for the Giants.

Pick: Falcons by 10

Jaguars at Raiders (even)

The Wall Street Journal last week had a startling report that White House officials saw signs of President Joe Biden’s shrinking mental capacity as early as 2021. Experts saw those same signs of diminished faculties among Raiders ownership since 2011.

Pick: Jaguars by 3

Eagles at Commanders (+3½)

Washington’s NFL franchise may be returning to the nation’s capital after a deal was struck on land for a new stadium in the District of Columbia. A move is not expected until the end of the decade since no one in their right mind wants to be anywhere near Washington the next four years.

Pick: Eagles by 7

49ers at Dolphins (-1½)

Miami eliminated itself from playoff contention with a Week 14 loss in Houston. But Dolphins coaches are going to keep playing concussion-prone quarterback Tua Tagovailoa because they, apparently, have also taken too many shots to the head.

Pick: Dolphins by 3

Browns at Bengals (-6½)

At long last, the Browns have made the switch at quarterback, replacing the comical Jameis Winston with the non-entity Dorian Thompson-Robinson. Despite getting the hook, Winston is still expected to finish the season as the NFL leader in whimsy.

Pick: Bengals by 1

Other games

Patriots at Bills (-13½):

Pick: Bills by 14

Cardinals at Panthers (+3½):

Pick: Cardinals by 7

Saints at Packers (-13½):

Pick: Packers by 14

Record

Week 15

14-2 straight up

12-4 vs. spread

Season

154-70 straight up (.688)

125-99 vs. spread (.558)

All-time (2003-24)

3785-2090-14 straight up (.644)

2885-2860-144 vs. spread (.502)

You can hear Kevin Cusick on Wednesdays on Bob Sansevere’s “BS Show” podcast on iTunes. You can follow Kevin on Twitter — @theloopnow. He can be reached at kcusick@pioneerpress.com.