’Twas the night before Christmas
Two thousand nineteen
When President Trump was
Making a scene.
He stood at a podium
Waving his hands.
“This rally’s the biggest,
I have the most fans.
“The media’s the enemy,
The Dems, they are jokes.
The polls show me winning
Ukraine is a hoax.
“The people in blue states
Are too highfalutin.
And just be assured
That I hardly know Putin.’’
And then in the middle
Of Donald’s big speech
A voice from the crowd,
screamed loudly, “Impeach!’’
“Who dares say that word?’’
The Donald demanded.
“Lock ’em up, lock ’em up, now!’’
He commanded.
“Who slurred? Mini Mike?
Or Sleepy Eyes Todd?
Or Crazy Pelosi?
Or maybe the Squad?
“It might have been Romney,
That Republican stiff,
Or maybe the world’s most
Corrupt, Adam Schiff.’’
“We got him!’’ guards yelled.
Howled Trump, “A disgrace!’’
The crowd saw the culprit,
A mask on his face.
“He does look familiar,’’
Trump said of the baddie.
They tore off the mask and
Trump squealed,
“It’s my caddy!’’
“Oh sir,’’ said the caddy,
“I hate to disturb
But we miss you most weekdays,
Bedminster’s superb.
“Just why do you hang in the
West Wing and scowl?
You could play Mar-a-Lago
And visit Doral.
“Cohen, Flynn, Manafort —
Stone was no star.
Next thing you know
You’ll be pardoning Barr.
“Life can’t be fun,
You are always so moody.
I think that your only friend
Left is that Rudy.
“You hate Kim Jong Un,
Your tweets are the worst.
One more bad Fed move
You know you will burst.’’
And with that, in a flash,
The Prez, he exclaimed,
“Do me a favor
And get me a plane!
“Farewell to the Witch Hunt!
Hi, little white ball!
Now Titleist, TaylorMade,
Callaway all.’’
Trump checked the Dow Jones,
One thing he felt pride in.
“The mess that is left?
I’ll give it to Biden.’’
He soared in the air
And the crowd heard a whistle,
And away he then flew
Like a Javelin missile
And we heard him exclaim
As he climbed out of sight,
“It was three perfect years
And to all, a good night.’’
Diane Hessan is an entrepreneur, author, and chair of C Space. Follow her on Twitter @DianeHessan