’Twas the Night Before Christmas 2019

’Twas the night before Christmas

Two thousand nineteen

When President Trump was

Making a scene. 

He stood at a podium

Waving his hands.

“This rally’s the biggest,

I have the most fans. 

“The media’s the enemy,

The Dems, they are jokes.

The polls show me winning

Ukraine is a hoax. 

“The people in blue states

Are too highfalutin.

And just be assured

That I hardly know Putin.’’ 

And then in the middle

Of Donald’s big speech

A voice from the crowd,

screamed loudly, “Impeach!’’ 

“Who dares say that word?’’

The Donald demanded.

“Lock ’em up, lock ’em up, now!’’

He commanded. 

“Who slurred? Mini Mike?

Or Sleepy Eyes Todd?

Or Crazy Pelosi?

Or maybe the Squad? 

“It might have been Romney,

That Republican stiff,

Or maybe the world’s most

Corrupt, Adam Schiff.’’ 

“We got him!’’ guards yelled.

Howled Trump, “A disgrace!’’

The crowd saw the culprit,

A mask on his face. 

“He does look familiar,’’

Trump said of the baddie.

They tore off the mask and

Trump squealed,

“It’s my caddy!’’

“Oh sir,’’ said the caddy,

“I hate to disturb

But we miss you most weekdays,

Bedminster’s superb. 

“Just why do you hang in the

West Wing and scowl?

You could play Mar-a-Lago

And visit Doral.

“Cohen, Flynn, Manafort —

Stone was no star.

Next thing you know

You’ll be pardoning Barr. 

“Life can’t be fun,

You are always so moody.

I think that your only friend

Left is that Rudy. 

“You hate Kim Jong Un,

Your tweets are the worst.

One more bad Fed move

You know you will burst.’’ 

And with that, in a flash,

The Prez, he exclaimed,

“Do me a favor

And get me a plane!

“Farewell to the Witch Hunt!

Hi, little white ball!

Now Titleist, TaylorMade,

Callaway all.’’ 

Trump checked the Dow Jones,

One thing he felt pride in.

“The mess that is left?

I’ll give it to Biden.’’ 

He soared in the air

And the crowd heard a whistle,

And away he then flew

Like a Javelin missile 

And we heard him exclaim

As he climbed out of sight,

“It was three perfect years

And to all, a good night.’’  

Diane Hessan is an entrepreneur, author, and chair of C Space. Follow her on Twitter @DianeHessan