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How to have really, really GOOD SEX

Let’s talk about how to have great, pleasurable sex. And when I say great sex, I mean sex that is great for you. Great sex is sex that makes you feel satisfied, makes you feel pleasure, and makes you feel empowered and confident in the bedroom.

Great sex is about having a sensual experience. Still, a lot of people see sex as a performance they need to get right. But when we are talking about sex, we are talking about pleasure, and pleasure is not about performance. It is not a recipe. Sex is something that is meant to be playful.

Pleasure is about communicating with your sexual partners, dropping into the sexual experience, being present, relaxing, trusting the person you’re with, relating to each other, and seeing sex as something beyond penetration and orgasm.

While I could fluff on for hours about the intricacies and curiosities around sexuality, maybe it’s a good time to break down sex into the fundamentals.

What are erogenous zones?

You may have heard of erogenous zones before. They are commonly referenced during articles about sex, and in movies and TV shows. Erogenous zones are the ultra-sensitive areas of the body that make sex oh-so-good. Any area of the body can be an erogenous zone. It’s a part of your body that when touched produces a sensual response. This is because they are usually areas that are ultra-sensitive due to higher concentrations of nerve endings. Here are some of our erogenous zones:


The most important erogenous zone!

People tend to forget it because they’re so focused on physical sensation. The brain is the most central erogenous zone.

If it’s not in the mood because we are struggling with being present – if we are fatigued, irritable, etc. – the brain can block the rest of our body’s ability to act upon arousal. The more you can focus on being mindful and present during your erotic experiences, the better things will be in the bedroom.


Your ears are majorly sensitive areas.

The outer skin can be especially sensitive, and your ears contain hundreds of sensory receptors inside them. Not just that, but you’re also engaging your sense of hearing when your ears are kissed, licked or nibbled. I would suggest having your partner use their tongue to lightly trace outside of your ear, then nibble on the earlobes and stick their tongue inside your ear. You may also like some whispering, moaning or light blowing on your lobes to get that beautiful, tingly feeling.


Call me old-fashioned but lips will always be one of the hottest erogenous zones.

Why? Because they have a bunch of nerve endings that are close to the surface of the skin. The great thing is that either you or your partner can stimulate the lips and bring on beautiful sensations, because you can kiss your partner and nibble away at their body, and vice versa. Your lips can be used during the entire erogenous experience.


We love the nipples; we love them for all genders. Nipples are sensitive for everybody. Some people find them too sensitive to play with while others lap it up. Start with light kissing, move on to licking, maybe some nibbling, perhaps some biting, pinching or twisting. It’s really up to the recipient. I would also recommend that you experiment with sensation play, so try some ice or champagne – pop it in your mouth before sucking on your partner’s nips.

Nape of your neck

Yes, yes, yes. I know nibbling and licking on the throat is fine, but the nape (back) of your neck is super hot. There are many sensitive nerve endings here that are stimulated with kissing, licking and heavy breathing. Don’t forget fingernails down the back of your neck... yum.

Lower back

The small of your back has many nerves that are connected to your pelvis, making this area a great place to provide sensual stimulation. Personally, I think it’s best to kiss down the lower back and mix in some light touch from the fingers alongside some scratching or more forceful play, depending on what you and your partner are into.


Who doesn’t love a head scratching? The scalp is full of nerve endings, so once you start kissing, run your nails through your partner’s hair and down the back of their scalp and neck to bring on those pleasurable feelings. Moving your thumbs up behind the ear and down the nape of the neck are really hot ways to incorporate multiple erogenous zones.


You know what I’m talkin’ about. The G-spot area, inside your vageen and up towards the belly button. An area to get your inner nerve endings stimulated with either fingers, peen or a toy.


A really important area. The V stands for vagina vestibule, which is at the lower entrance to the vagina. If you look at the vagina face-on, it is the lower part of the vagina opening. Tracing it with a lubricated finger, tongue or toy is the best way to go.

The Sex Ed You Never Had by Chantelle Otten (Allen & Unwin, $32.99) is out on Tuesday.