Q. My fiancée recently asked me for a break from our relationship. She wants to have time for herself, and she says she wants to have a chance to miss me, to see if she wants to be with me. I messed up in the beginning of our relationship, but since then I’ve changed, and she says she knows that but that she can’t let go of the past. I’ve been working to show her that all I want do is make her happy, yet she still feels miserable.

She recently went on a trip that was supposed to be her and two older women from work. I called her and a different woman answered her phone. She also took what looks like a photo a couple would take with this woman. She tells me that the woman in the photo is just a friend. I don’t know what to do. I want her back.

We promised we wouldn’t see other people doing the break. I want to give her the space she needs. I just don’t want her to fall out of love with me and end up with the woman who is suppose to be “just a friend.’’

Wanting to make it right

A. Instead of worrying about this other woman, let’s focus on what we know about your relationship.

The word I’m stuck on is “fiancée.’’ That’s a big word that comes with a lot of pressure. Perhaps if you removed that word from your relationship — for now — you’d both be able to breathe.

As it stands, she’s trying to make an all-or-nothing decision by testing herself to see if she misses you. Without the promise of forever looming in the distance, you might have a better shot at making peace with the past and figuring out how to trust each other. It might be easier if everything wasn’t on the line.

Tell your fiancée you want to make sure you can be good partners before you take any big steps. Find out whether slowing the pace makes her feel better about where the relationship stands.

Also let her know that too much space is basically a breakup. If that’s what she wants, she should let you know.

Meredith

READERS RESPOND:

My first fiancée (I’m happily married now) said she needed “space’’ and that she still wanted to be together. What that meant was “I don’t want to get married, at least to you, and I lack the courage and moral conviction to say it.’’ Needing space is not a good thing. It is indicative of a serious problem in your relationship. Take her words to heart. THATGUYINRI

So true. I said the same thing to my long-term boyfriend back in college. I was too scared to hurt his feelings by saying I no longer loved him — so I said I needed space to figure out what I wanted. HAPPYDAZED

Let her go. She’s all but asking you, without saying the words. Believe her in her actions.

MARIENNA

I think you like the idea that the only way this woman would leave you would be if she were a lesbian. It’s entirely possible that there is nothing going on with this other woman. But it’s definitely over between you and your fiancée. Sorry, bub. HARRYSTRUMAN

Or this couple is a lesbian couple. KAYY01

Let her go, letter writer. Don’t be surprised if she never comes back. You have no control over that, and you don’t get to set the parameters for this “break.’’ She’s already misled you over who she was vacationing with. Frankly, I don’t like the way she seems to currently value this relationship and I think you’d ultimately end up in a happier place without her.

THATJNEENGRRL

I think it’s a stretch to say she misled him about who was there based on one person picking up her phone. BKLYNMOM

Even if she returns, will you be able to trust she won’t bail when things become serious? Don’t you want a fiancée who is certain of her choices and feelings, especially the commitment of a long-term partnership? PENSEUSE

Don’t put down the deposit on the hall.

VALENTINO

Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters. Send letters to meredith.goldstein@globe.com.