Q. Like so many families, mine is obsessed with the phenomenal “Hamilton’’ soundtrack. Who knew, though, that the show would spark other duels at home? My daughters passionately argue that Aaron Burr is unfairly condemned by history, for instance, but my husband and I disagree (A. Burr did kill A. Ham, just sayin’). It’s hard to put my finger on it, but lately I feel like this debate, and so many others, points toward some sort of generational shift, where viewpoints multiply, and everything is up for revision. Care to take a shot at explaining?
Kathy: I think you’re on to something here, and I’ve seen it via “Hamilton,’’ but also in other uncanny circumstances. Partly it’s because musical theater villains (Burr in “Hamilton,’’ Judas in “Jesus Christ Superstar,’’ etc.) often get the best lines and most nuanced characterizations, so there’s an inherent underdog identification, and kids feel like underdogs. And it’s partly because kids today, who live among many more acknowledged differences than we did — in areas from learning styles to gender identity and more — are more likely to push past the conventional story.
Take the moment when Burr recounts why he thought Hamilton would kill him in the fatal duel: “They won’t teach you this in your classes/But look it up/Hamilton was wearing his glasses.’’ It’s that “won’t teach you this’’ part that seals it, right? I think young people now intuitively feel they have to go beyond received wisdom. It’s like when I said to my teenage daughter, “Won’t it be great to have the first woman president?’’ and without batting an eye, she said, “And won’t it be great when we have the first gay president?’’ That hadn’t even occurred to me. You think you have an open mind, and then — look around, look around — you realize that the criteria expands through each generation.
Jeff: Maybe it’s an expansion, or perhaps it’s more a matter of compression. So many game changers have been packed into our brief moment in history that today’s kids are growing up as natives of a world far different from what existed just a few short years ago. Kathy, you mention the very real possibility of the White House’s glass ceiling soon being shattered. That is mind-blowing for those of us who grew up with “Father Knows Best,’’ but it’s not so inconceivable for a generation being raised in an America with a black president.
So much for Dad always knowing best when it comes to setting parameters for the family. My wife and I are learning the new rules and roles of our culture as much as our children are. The kids are 13 and 11, and neither has drawn a breath in a world without iPhones and YouTube and Wii. So while their mom and I remain wary of the grip technology can have on young minds, we can’t ignore that our entire culture has jumped into that rabbit hole and it’s our job to help the kids navigate — even though they understand this new wonderland more innately than we grown-ups do. I don’t think it’s a bad thing that we’re all in this together. Maybe the kids grow up faster, but it keeps us parents young.
Kathy: I think your idea of compression is spot on, Jeff. It’s the rapidity of changes that shocks, though we’re obviously not the first generation to feel this way. Our grandparents grew up with cars — but our great-grandparents never stopped thinking of cars as horseless carriages. It’s all about what you knew first.
And undoubtedly there’s a parallel between technological change and societal change. “Think different,’’ said another iconoclast, and this generation does. To get back to “Hamilton,’’ I’ve also been struck by the perceptions of my daughter’s friends. One even speculated that Hamilton himself could’ve been on the autism spectrum, given his single-minded productivity (writing 51 of the 85 Federalist Papers essays) and unfiltered outspokenness (which brought on that fateful duel).
Jeff: Since “Hamilton’’ keeps coming up here, Kathy, I feel I should confess that I’m the one person in the world who hasn’t seen the musical or even heard the soundtrack. But I do get its significance — I mean, hip-hop being the most popular thing on Broadway represents that generational shift we’re talking about. And hey, it’s not just the rap generation buying up those tickets on the Great White Way. We’ve all come a long way from “Oklahoma!’’ to the Weehawken dueling grounds.
The key for us parents, as I see it, is to engage in our kids’ culture and appreciate their ways of experiencing it, and to help them find entry points into our world. It’s natural, even necessary, for those in a new generation to have a perspective different from that of their parents. And that need not lead to a disconnect. There’s common ground to be found if only we’re willing to explore. Call it family time. Just try to keep it civil. Even metaphorically, there’s no good reason to face off at 20 paces and go boom.
Jeff Wagenheim and Katharine Whittemore were founding editors at the parenting magazine Wondertime. Whittemore now writes the “Four Takes’’ book review column for the Globe. Wagenheim writes about sports and the arts for the Globe and the Washington Post. Send parenting questions to parenting.globe@gmail.com.
