Q. My boyfriend and I broke up last week, after being together for five months. From the first date, we had an intense connection. He’s handsome, funny, respectful, hard-working, and affectionate. Our relationship got serious very fast. He said he loved me after three weeks together. Having been in a not-so-great relationship prior, it was refreshing to be with someone who actually appreciated and respected me. I also got along with his child (I met his kid after two months). We often spoke about moving in together, buying a car, marriage, kids, and even building a future business together.

My boyfriend and I are both passionate and stubborn, so our conversations sometimes lead to bickering. Our arguments were always over petty and trivial matters though, never lasting longer than a few minutes. His job was very demanding, requiring him to be connected 24/7. He often felt stressed, under a lot of pressure to juggle everything, which sometimes put a strain on our relationship.

About three weeks ago, our communication started to fall apart. It was like the honeymoon phase abruptly ended and his attitude changed; he was disengaged at times and on edge about everything. I voiced my concerns and he reassured me that I was “the one’’ and that we’d ride out these “relationship growing pains’’ together. Two weeks ago, after shopping together, we had an argument that resulted in not speaking to each other all day. Yes, I know it was childish and immature of us, but neither wanted to back down from making our point. The not speaking to each other turned into three days, at which point I broke the silence and reached out. He said he had nothing to say to me and that he was done with the relationship. He said I pushed him away and that he was fed up and didn’t need this added stress in his life. He said by letting days go by without talking, I took myself out of the equation and now he was done. In complete shock, I took full accountability for any actions on my part, but he was already gone. His mind was made up. I am left devastated, confused, angry, and blindsided. How does something so deep end so quickly? Was it all a lie?

Blindsided

A.The silent treatment was mutual, right? If so, you’re both at fault. Unless he was reaching out for days and you were shutting him out, I don’t see why he’s putting everything on you.

The thing is, though, it might not matter. He’s saying that he doesn’t need this stress in his life, and by that he means the bickering and the relationship maintenance. It doesn’t mean his love was a lie, but it might mean that he can’t sign on to those growing pains he mentioned.

We’ve seen a lot of letters lately from people who fell in love within weeks or months. Quick connections aren’t a bad thing — sometimes you fall fast. But it can take a while for the communication issues to catch up with the good stuff. Sometimes, with all the love, you don’t have time to realize that you and your partner are incompatible in important ways. Sometimes it turns out that the passion you felt at the start of a relationship also means you’ll have passionate fights — and a passionate breakup.

Meredith

READERS RESPOND:

“Was it all a lie?’’ isn’t a question we can answer. Were you overvaluing elements to your relationship? Probably. Were you overlooking the red flags? Probably. Whatever happened, happened and things changed. “Why’’ doesn’t really matter. Just move on.

SUREGONNAKNOW WEWEREHERE

What matters is that he was truthful about not wanting a relationship with you anymore. His stated reason shouldn’t really matter — just the sentiment behind it. Buck up and move on. Blame is for suckers.

BLISTERED-TOE

It’s funny how people confuse passion for being argumentative.

PEREAGAIN

“How does something so deep end so quickly? Was it all a lie?’’ It wasn’t necessarily a lie, but it also likely wasn’t as deep as you both thought it was. The discussion of all those future plans that indicate deep commitment were masking the fact that it was only five months and you two were really still getting to know each other. Add in the fact that you both seem to bicker like little children, and a relationship that never really was what it seemed to be is now over.

CRUCIFIEDZEOFF

You are lucky you were only five months in. Remember the good times and learn from this relationship. Next time, tread a little bit more lightly and not both feet first with all the grandiose ideas of rainbows and puppy dog tails so quick into the relationship.

BACKBAYBABE

It sounds like the breakup was imminent, and the argument just sped up the process. Learn your lesson about not being so stubborn in the future and move on.RICH1273-

It wasn’t deep. That’s how it ended quickly. This was just an explosion that petered out. Ann Landers once said “love is friendship that catches fire and burns slowly.’’ I don’t know about the friendship part — I was not friends with my husband first, but I do know that the our intense and immediate connection became something more. We aren’t on fire anymore, but rather basking in each other’s glow.

ASH

Listen, you were both immature in regard to the silent treatment — if he wants to put it all on you, who cares? The relationship is over. You need to move on and stop contacting him.THENURSE

You dated all hot and heavy like and then broke up. This is life. It’s here, it’s there, get used to it.MCDIMMERSON

Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters. Send letters to meredith.goldstein@ globe.com.