REALITY BITES

There’s Samuel Barber’s “Adagio for Strings,’’ there’s that part of ‘The Lion King’’ when Simba’s dad dies, and then there’s this supercut of human Pokemon/donkey sauce magnate Guy Fieri pushing large sandwiches into his face as the chefs responsible look on in barely veiled contempt and Johnny Cash’s cover of “Hurt’’ churns in the background. Those are your choices for saddest thing. Anything worse than that, you’re just gonna have to wait until after the election.

SPLIT DECISION

Actually, wait. This might be sadder. Jesse Wellens and Jeana Smith, a.k.a. PrankVsPrank, a.k.a. BFvsGF, a.k.a. the Luke and Laura of YouTube (if Luke and Laura expressed their love through a daily exchange of public humiliations) are breaking up after 10 years of sneaking bugs into each other’s food and tricking each other into drinking toilet water. Hard to imagine where it all went wrong. The saddest part might be knowing about this at all.

NEW WORLD ORDER

Ever on the forefront of ways to drive its users crazy, Instagram is following The Great Instagram Icon Replacement Fiasco of 2016 with The Great Instagram Timeline Switcheroo of 2016, which finds users’ feeds suddenly unstuck in time, set loose from their chronological bearings, and driven instead by a mysterious algorithm that aims to display “the moments you care about first.’’ This would explain why mine went completely blank.

MAKE PUMPKINS

GREAT AGAIN

This election season, more than any other in recent history, is forcing us to think about what kind of future we want to see. What will we harvest tomorrow from what we've sown today? And I’m not even talking about the presidency here. I’m talking about pumpkins grown in the shape of Donald Trump’s head — i.e. “Trumpkins’’ — for which there’s a freshly launched Kickstarter campaign. We’ve only got a month or so to get these suckers in the ground in time for Halloween, so the time to come together, my friends, is now.

MICHAEL ANDOR BRODEUR

Michael Andor Brodeur can be reached at michael.brodeur@globe.com.