Q. I have been married to my second husband for five years.

I hold a great deal of animosity toward him, because in the beginning of our relationship, he let his teenage children disrespect me.

I became a person I did not recognize nor like. I felt like it was always three against one and I had to stand up for myself, sometimes being a mean b---h.

He also has medical issues because he doesn’t take care of himself. So now I live with a man who cannot be sexually intimate with me (and is OK with it). He shows me no affection, but says that he loves me.

I am constantly trying to create intimacy between us, but it is always in vain. I am only 49.

A few months ago, my ex-husband started telling me how great and sexy I looked.

I was starving for attention. One day he came over to bring something for our daughter and we ended up having sex.

I know it was not right, but I felt like myself again for the first time in several years. We have continued to be intimate when we can and even though I know what we are doing is wrong, I do not feel guilty.

I feel good again and treasure the moments, but I am also upset with my husband and feel he pushed me in this direction.

I do love my husband, but I am not in love with him anymore. I am so frustrated and confused. I need an outside opinion.

Pushed Too Far

A. Your perspective is that your husband’s neglect has forced you into an extramarital affair.

It must feel good to feel like yourself again and to be cheating on your husband, and yet experience no guilt.

You want your husband to take responsibility for his actions, and yet you also want him to take responsibility for yours.

Adults should own their own behavior, acknowledging and accepting the consequences.

You are engaging in this affair in order to force your own life toward change. You seem to have no commitment to staying in your marriage, and so you should be honest with yourself and your husband, and leave it.

Q. I was surprised to read your admission that you had a miscarriage several years ago. This seemed strangely personal and I wondered why you did it.

Curious

A. Miscarriage isn’t a crime or an embarrassment. It is something that happened, and I think it can help to talk about it.

Amy Dickinson can be reached at askamy@amydickinson.com.