Q. I’m 31 and I’ve been married for a few years, but with my wife for eight. In the past I’ve wondered if maybe I only stayed with her so long because I didn’t want to hurt her and I was too polite to end it. We have a toddler and one on the way.

The last year or so has been a challenge. I think we are both lonely, but I recognize it more than I feel like she does. Sometimes we fight, but the fights never get resolved. Each of us just avoids the other and then we don’t talk until the next day, or whenever. I’ve been contemplating asking her for therapy, but I’m not sure it’s worth it. We don’t really have much in common, and we don’t have much to talk about. When I talk she mostly ignores the things I tell her, and when she talks I get bored. Sex rarely occurs, and it’s mostly if I persist. I’m thinking maybe we should split up before the kids get older and it becomes harder, but I can’t bear the thought of not seeing my son every day, and I cry thinking about him missing me and me missing him. Is that a reason for us to stay together, unhappy?

To make matters worse, I can’t stop thinking about a single co-worker. We have a lot in common and we enjoy each other’s company. I don’t know if she feels any kind of way about me or not, and I can’t plan to leave one woman just to go after another. I just need advice. Do I tell the other girl how I feel? Do I tell me wife about the other girl? Do I separate to try it out?

Please help!

A. Somehow I knew paragraph three was coming. There’s always a paragraph three with this kind of letter.

I understand that you have a big crush on this co-worker, but she’s not part of the equation right now. You want me to endorse the end of an eight-year relationship because you have the hots for someone at work, but I can’t do that. Sorry.

Therapy is very worth it, because it’ll give you the chance to talk about what’s missing in your marriage. Starting a family and dealing with young kids can be hard on a partnership. There’s little time and energy to focus on why you got together to begin with.

The good thing about the co-worker is that she’s made your needs clear. You miss conversation and interest. You miss shared experiences. Take that information to therapy with your wife. Put in some effort.

Meredith

READERS RESPOND:

I think that you are not willing to try therapy because you don’t want to do anything that would delay your getting involved with your co-worker. You owe it to your kids to try some counseling before bailing on this, I think. DORA79

1. Marriage counseling.

2. Back away from the co-worker. Be courteous but do not interact with her except on an as-needed professional basis. If she says anything about it, say you’re “busy these days.’’MSJIVETURKEY

What makes therapy not worth it? Your kids aren’t worth it? Happiness isn’t worth it? What is worth it?

SUREGONNAKNOWWEWEREHERE

Why did you two get married in the first place? Seriously though, if she’s as miserable as you then go your separate ways. Truth is, if there’s no passion that potentially will make the split, and the equitable sharing of time with your son, easier — she’s not looking to punish you (and vice-versa) so you will actually work together to the benefit of the child.

FINNFANN

You’re an adult. You’re married. You have one child and another on the way. You’re not supposed to be happy right now, contrary to what you apparently believe. This is supposed to be tough, and before you throw away everything for the fantasy of something new, you need to work on your marriage. . . . Stop asking what you’re getting and start giving. JUST-ANOTHER-BOSTONIAN

“Stop asking what you’re getting and start giving.’’ This. I’m going to have this embroidered on a sampler.

ENJOYEVERYSANDWICH

Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters. Send letters to meredith.goldstein@globe.com.