CLASS DISMISSED

If you missed this week’s episode of the new Nickelodeon series “All Thumbs,’’ here’s a recap: First Donald tweeted that Barack was “bad (or sick).’’ So Barack was like “omg whatever we’re not even friends why u so obsessed with me?’’ Sean and Kellyanne (of course) took Donald’s side because they do everything together. Meanwhile, Donald’s duties as class president are getting in the way of hitting Palm Beach with the guys for spring break — unless he can somehow be in both places at once! Cut to shopping-spree montage with Donald buying Kellyanne a suit, a long red tie, a haircut, and a spray tan. (“I feel so powerful,’’ she says, twirling in the mirror.) There was also a subplot about Ben sleeping through his history test while absent-mindedly wearing his shirt as pants. Classic Ben!

NERVOUS SYSTEM

Owners of the Google Home digital assistant are discovering the helpful hub shares less in common with Rosie the Robot than with your half-cousin Marv the Sovereign Citizen. Asked if, say, President Obama is secretly plotting a coup d’etat, Google casually mentions that the former president may indeed be “in bed with the Communist Chinese’’ among other nefarious suggestions. Google reps say this particular problem has been remedied, but users are now reporting the unit keeps peering through the blinds and playing nothing but Lee Greenwood songs.

FLAKE NEWS

Is water (or ice) ever acceptable as a medium for cereal? (What? No.) Should milk go in the bowl before the cereal is poured? (What?! No.) Should cereal be dipped in milk by the spoonful to deter sogginess? (Who are you and what is your life?) If you thought the election yanked back the veil on the troublingly deep weirdnesses of your fellow Americans, prepare for the tweet-haul of National Cereal Day (which was celebrated Tuesday). Pro tip: Golden Grahams + Cocoa Puffs + marshmallows from Lucky Charms + chocolate milk = breakfast s’mores. You are welcome.

SEEING RED

Speaking of unbridgable divides, a global community already torn apart by the Great Blue and Black Dress Debacle of 2015 (or the lesser-known but equally divisive flip-flops) and further fractured by the Adidas Jacket Color Wars of 2016, must now confront what might be the greatest threat to unity we’ve ever faced: It’s a picture of strawberries that contains no red pixels yet still appears red. Weird. One day we will think fondly back to those simpler times, before we saw the strawberries, but we can’t afford nostalgia quite yet: The time for trivial arguments is now.

MICHAEL ANDOR BRODEUR

Michael Andor Brodeur can be reached at mbrodeur@globe.com. Follow him on Twitter @MBrodeur.