Dear All,
Happy holidays to our many, many close friends and relatives! So very much has happened this year, big wonderful things we can’t wait to share with you in this, our annual holiday letter. Of course some of you have already seen our announcements and celebrations as they’ve appeared on our popular Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram feeds, but here’s our fabulous, fun, and generally fantastic year all in one place.
We’ve been quite busy, as you’ll see — no sitting back lazily in front of the TV for us!!
First of all, our dear cousins Edith and Mary both had excellent news to share this year. Edith and her beau, Bertie, finally got hitched. So proud! And Mary is pregnant with her second child, who’ll join her beloved Georgie (who, by the way, has such a lovely connection with his manny, Thomas “Bawwow’’). What is Mary doing in the meantime, before the baby comes? She’s taking a crazy road trip, but she’s on good behavior for sure. And how could I not mention our loyal maid, Anna, who’s had so very many legal troubles in recent years? She now has a child, a boy, after a tricky pregnancy that kept us all on edge.
Martha, our cherished friend, has up and moved to Russia! We are so delighted for her, and only wish she’d found more time to celebrate before her departure. She’s one of the most studious of secretaries, but she’s also a dreamer who follows her unfailingly wise impulses. We may not see her for a long time, but we take pleasure knowing that she’ll be with her long-distance comrade, Nina, chilling with their feet up.
On the health front, my husband’s brother, Jon, has rebounded from his dire illness thanks to the fine work of Dr. Melisandre, who, by the way, retired after Jon’s case and moved south. We’re so glad that, at her very advanced age, she was still practicing when we needed her! She sure knows how to work her medical magic. Also, Jon, who was adopted, made a lot of progress on finding his birth parents! Mazel tov!
Speaking of finding birth parents, our nephew Randall, an extremely successful money guy, tracked down his father, William, and they’ve become quite close. Just thinking about them spending time together, so dear to each other now, with Randall so tall and William down low, and with Randall’s wife and two daughters also close by, makes us cry. Almost everything about that darn Pearson wing of the family makes us cry — what a clan! We miss Randall’s brother Kevin on “The Manny,’’ but we can’t wait to see him in his next triumphant career move, a play called “Back of an Egg.’’
Changes, changes. So, you all remember our great and brilliant friend Bernard? He has changed his name! He’s now going by Arnold, for reasons that are very deep and personal for him and far too complicated to go into here. And Delores, part of that same group of friends? She, too, has changed her name! She now prefers to go by Wyatt, also for reasons too complicated to go into here. She’s a real doll, that lady, as well as a great host (we spent a week out west visiting her!). She is growing into more and more of an activist as time goes on, breaking out of life’s predictable loops. You go Wyatt!
We know you’re all hoping for word of our cousins the Pfeffermans, since they’ve been in such transition of late. Let us say that we’ve seen Shelly’s one-woman show, “To Shel and Back,’’ and it is spectacular. It’s fun but it’s poignant, it’s musical but it’s bittersweet, it’s dark but it’s jubilant, yeah. She and Buzz broke up, alas, but Shelly has 100 Twitter followers and counting, so there.
We don’t like to brag, as you all know. Christmas is not a time for boastful self-regard. But we have to admit, our growing friendship with billionaire Bobby Axelrod — we call him just Axe — has been awfully exciting. He took us to Quebec to see Metallica! Yes, I’m sure you’ve all read about his ongoing war with US Attorney Chuck Rhoades. Men! Anyhow, Axe has decided to do a complete redo of his offices, so he’s taken the walls down to their studs. We’re sure it will be gorgeous.
We’re all tired of the election, I know, but we’d be remiss if we didn’t at least mention the biggest event of the year. We weren’t “with her,’’ which many of you know since we prayed openly that he would prevail. He is the kind of leader we need, the kind who refuses to play by the rules, a man who will make a lot of necessary changes to the status quo. OK, so he likes the ladies. That’s all just “bro’’ talk. We promise you, Jonah Ryan is going to be the best Congressman that New Hampshire has ever had.
On that note, we’d like to wish all of you happy holidays and best wishes for the coming year, which, we hope, will be as special, wonderful, winning, spectacular, and bountiful as 2016 was for us.
Matthew Gilbert can be reached at gilbert@globe.com. Follow him on Twitter @MatthewGilbert.
