Q. I am a single (gay, if it’s relevant) man in my late 30s, and have been single for a long time since a series of serious, longer-term relationships in my 20s. I am the only single person among my friends, who are terrific and like family. I’m closer to many of them than I am to my actual family, and I have good relationships with many of their partners, spouses, children, etc. I have a job that limits my free time, but it gives me a lot of satisfaction and fulfillment. I was OK with this state of affairs for a long time . . . but over the past year or so, I have become more and more not OK with it.

I don’t necessarily want a relationship – when I do date, I often wish I were by myself or hanging out with my friends — but my single status and loneliness are increasingly more acutely felt. Over the past few years, I have started getting very sad after friends’ weddings, when they announce pregnancies, when their kids have birthdays, etc.

At the same time, in some cases I find myself breaking into tears unexpectedly as I head home, or I feel low the next morning when I wake up, a feeling that can last on and off for a few days. I have taken a few online screeners for depression but they have all come back saying I don’t show symptoms. I thought about mentioning this to a doctor or looking for a counselor but I don’t even know what I would say is the “problem.’’ I have a blessed life and would honestly feel awkward talking to someone I don’t know well about my personal business, particularly when the few things I have to “complain’’ about in my life are so petty compared to actual challenges people can face. But I also know the sense of sadness that keeps creeping up on me isn’t a good sign, either. How should I think through this?

Feeling Low

A. The first thing I’ll say is that online screeners for depression aren’t the best way to figure out what’s going on in your brain. You should be talking to your doctor and looking for a counselor. I promise that once you start disclosing personal things, it won’t feel so weird.

Please know that feeling depressed — and feelings, in general — can have nothing to do with the blessings in life. The whole thing with depression is that it can prevent you from enjoying great things, even if you have many of them. I say this as someone who’s dealt with depression. For a long time I was like, “What right do I have? I have wonderful friends, a job I love, and excellent cable!’’ But that’s not how it works.

It might also help to have a few people in your life who are single and don’t have kids. Your chosen family sounds incredible, but they can’t be everything. Maybe you can seek out acquaintances who understand exactly where you are in life. It’s really important to have a few friends who are available to go to a last-minute movie — and to give you some perspective.

As you figure this out, please know that you’re not alone. There are many people reading this thinking: This. Is. Me.

A lot of us have needed some help figuring it out. I mean . . . I think that’s why we’re all here.

Meredith

READERS RESPOND:

Everyone’s personal struggles are very real to that person and do not need to be discounted simply because they aren’t as tangible or tragic as others. Cut yourself some slack.

NOMORESCREENNAMES

A therapist sounds like a great place to start — not because you’re necessarily depressed or have a mood disorder, but because it doesn’t sound like you really know what you want. Talking through your feelings might give you some clarity. JUST-ANOTHER-BOSTONIAN

Bottom line: If it worries you then do something about it. BLISTERED-TOE

Add me to the list of people who were in the same situation as you are now, including the depression symptoms. Unfortunately for me, I didn’t deal with it and went through a very tough time before I finally got diagnosed. Therapy and meds got me back on track, but I regret not doing it sooner. Depression doesn’t mean you’re not grateful for what you have, or that you’re self-centered, or any other negative. It means the chemicals in your brain aren’t working at their optimum. That’s all. COSMOGIRL

If you figure it all out, please let me know.

DORA79

Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters. Send letters to meredith.goldstein@globe.com.