Regarding the Spotlight report “Schooled in shame’’ (Page A1, May 8): I am an alumna of Phillips Exeter Academy, class of 1981, and I would love for your series to connect the point that schools are a reflection of the society they serve.

In the 1970s and ’80s, for many, the culture maintained by our parents dictated a respect for authority, and children, especially girls, were taught to subjugate themselves to this. Personal dignity was not something I remember expecting as a child, and it seemed that social order was what held respect in place for adults — respect that was not necessarily earned.

Order and obedience, as a pervasive expectation of parents and schools, was a means to achieve success and was time-honored. The sexual abuse that took place at private schools is one of many costs to our society resulting from this culture.

We are those adults now, and for many who suffered under that system, there is both the familiarity of it and the ingrained response to authority. Yet we are the ones schools are answering to now, and we no longer need to submit or rebel. Rather, we can respond thoughtfully and consciously to choose other approaches.

It is not surprising that we are looking for fairness and amends and to speak the truth that we could see so long ago but weren’t allowed to say. It is our peers who now are the principals, board members, journalists, lawyers, and judges, and there is a collective awakening to the power we now have.

We are the individuals who have created the boom in the self-help industry and the parents who have learned about self-esteem and terms such as “child-centered,’’ which point to the notion of authentic respect and personal dignity of both adults and children. There is no them; it is up to us.

I would like to see the work that we choose to do in all these schools be a study on re-establishing and restoring true dignity to ourselves, our institutions, and our world.

Ann Malabre

Gallatin Gateway, Mont.