Q. I manage a difficult person — everything’s an argument or challenge. She thinks she’s busy and needs more support; I think she’s snoozing. She wants to feel more “empowered’’ and acts like I’m limiting what she can do. How can I learn to work with her, or can I?
A. Most likely you can — if you want to. Managing people is frustrating and rewarding. Your approach can help determine your success in managing all types of employees. It’s important — and often difficult — to start with the assumption that this employee wants to do well. Even if you find someone aggravating or if that person works differently than you, you must begin with that basic belief. We all want to manage self-motivated high performers with work styles like ours, but we often have employees who work in ways we may not appreciate. This can test and develop management skills.
It’s easy to say, “Ugh, this person isn’t even trying,’’ but you must believe employees are trying to do well. You can’t turn anyone around if you’re coming from a negative place. Identify the attributes and behaviors you find the most challenging, then open a conversation. We frequently close down difficult conversations to avoid conflict. Instead, become an investigator. Why does your employee feel overworked or limited? What does that look like? How does it compare with others’ jobs? Ask for clarification on things like feeling “empowered’’ or similar red flag phrases — what does she mean compared with your interpretation? You might be saying the same words but thinking very different things. If she mentions something all-encompassing, like “the process,’’ push for specifics — which process? What part? Maybe there’s a place of frustration you’re unaware of or that you perceive differently.
Time is another example. Often, people have different perceptions of how long tasks take; you might think it will take two hours, while your employee believes it will take two days. Communication and clarification are essential for time, priority, and urgency.
Your initial conversation should be driven by questioning and finding out what your employee thinks and why. These conversations can become defensive, so make it clear that you’re not challenging her, just seeking clarification. Don’t engage other than to ask questions. It’s just an inquiry to generate understanding; however, clarify that this is only part one of a longer conversation that will include your thoughts and clear points on a shared understanding of accountability.
The next conversation should be a little more give and take. She’s had her say; you’ve reviewed her thoughts and looked at ways to adjust or not. And you’ve developed a way to communicate your needs clearly — your expectations and how you can address her expectations of you.
Determine the most important job-related items you disagree on: What does “busy’’ really mean to you both? Can your employee adopt different ways to complete work or are her pace and output significantly different than what’s expected in the organization’s culture? Focus on deliverables: Personality isn’t the issue, it’s capability and delivery. Solutions might include a different reporting structure or a revamping of the role and how you manage her. If you’re still skeptical, talk to another manager and see if these issues have wider organizational impact. But remember to give this person time to adjust and change. If her behavior moves in the right direction, great! You’re looking for long-term, sustained change and to encourage her to actively address workplace issues.
In the end, you aren’t marrying this person — you’re just asking her to deliver the work for you.
Elaine Varelas is managing partner at Keystone Partners, a career management firm in Boston, and serves on the board of Career Partners International.
