Q. I recently came back from an out-of-town trip and found a personal item belonging to a close friend in my upstairs bathroom. When I questioned my husband, he said he found it on the floor. When I questioned how it ended up on the upstairs bathroom floor later in the day, he said he found it under the couch and put it in his pocket and that he then took it out of his pocket and left it on a table in the bathroom. While the story is possible, I find it suspicious.

This person had not been to my home for three weeks. A few years ago, I learned that this friend and my husband were having an emotional relationship but that it did not progress to a physical relationship. After counseling, my husband and I continued in our marriage and we continued to get together with this couple. I am now heartbroken.

I don’t want to end my marriage but I don’t want to be with my husband if he is lying and cheating. Since this is also a very close girlfriend, I am also deeply hurt by her actions. I can’t end my marriage on a suspicion but have no tangible proof. I just don’t know what to do at this point.

Proof

A. You must return to counseling, even if your husband can prove that this personal item beamed itself to your bathroom. Even if he has footage of finding the item under the couch. Even if it turns out that the personal item isn’t even hers.

It’s clear that you didn’t restart your marriage with much trust. You were left not knowing what to believe, so now you don’t believe much. You must continue the conversation with a third party who can help you figure out what you’re trying to save. If possible, seek counseling on your own, too.

As for the close friend, feel free to take all the space you need. I bet you weren’t thrilled about continuing the friendship the last time this all went down. You should surround yourself with people you trust right now. She’s not on the list, and that’s OK.

I know you’re looking for proof of a new transgression, but don’t become Sherlock Holmes about this. It sounds like you never really moved on from what happened a few years ago. That should be your focus as you seek help.

Meredith

READERS RESPOND:

It sounds as though you have been heartbroken for the last few years and not just for the last few weeks. You haven’t gotten over it, and I think you’ve been punishing yourself all this time by maintaining the friendship and/or the marriage. Ask yourself why you want to stay in the marriage. Kids? Social circle? Insecurity? You don’t need “tangible proof’’ of anything if you are unhappy and uncomfortable and you don’t trust your husband.

BLISTERED-TOE

The fact that you consider a woman who emotionally cheated with your husband a close friend tells me either you’re incredibly naive or blind to reality. I don’t know what’s going on between your husband and this friend now but at one point they were too close for your comfort. First and foremost, I would stop hanging around the friend so much. Clearly there was an attraction in the past and I doubt that just disappeared one day. Why are you working so hard to tempt fate?ELIZABETHBENNETT

I assume you’re not really looking for Meredith-style advice here. You just want to know if we believe your husband. I don’t.

BOODADDY

The nature of the item can really be a deal-breaker here. Big difference between a bracelet or an earring and a pair of underwear. Hard to give advice without that information.

CONNORMCLEOD

She seems to have known right away that it belongs specifically to the friend so I’m going to go with a piece of jewelry that this person is always seen wearing. She wouldn’t necessarily recognize a pair of underwear or bra as belonging to this other person.

BABYINTHECORNER

As for the close friend, just take the item back to her.

PRCNBRO

Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters. Send letters to meredith.goldstein@globe.com.