Esther Perel is booked.

The Belgian couples therapist, who counsels partners in seven languages, has 50,000 devotees on Instagram, and two TED Talks online with more than 20 million views, released the second season of her podcast, “Where Should We Begin?,’’ on Audible in October.

That same month, she released her second bestseller, “The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity,’’ which brought her to “The Daily Show’’ in November and will take her on an international book tour in January.

Earlier this month, she was in Boston to speak at Harvard Medical School’s “Treating Couples’’ event, which brought together therapists to talk about relationships. Perel was running back to New York City after her appearance, but before she left Boston, she took time to chat with the Globe’s advice columnist (me) about topics ranging from infidelity and shame, to why a couples therapy podcast feels more appropriate than a TV show.

Fans of Perel know she has a lot of wisdom to share. We spoke for an hour — the conversation was transcribed at more than 6,000 words — but here are some of the highlights:

On how her couples therapy podcast came together . . .

It was a conversation between TED and Audible . . . and [Audible] wanted something like a he said/she said. And I told them that’s not exactly the way couples actually operate. In a couple, it’s “I say, which makes you say the opposite of what you originally wanted to say.’’

On how the podcast differs from a therapy session in her office . . .

It follows the exact same model that’s in my office. It’s not my patients; never will be, never were. The people apply for the podcast, and we’ve had more than 1,500 people apply. We closed it . . . we don’t even know how many more thousands we would have had.

On why a podcast works for something as private as couples therapy . . .

In the past, you could hear fights of a couple through the porous walls of a village. Everybody knew each other in a small town. But here, nobody really knows what goes on backstage in a couple. I thought, we can do better. These are universal stories — and when you listen to a powerful story with another couple, you learn the vocabulary for the conversations that you may want to have. And you often realize that you’re standing in front of your own mirror. . . . I never wanted to do TV. I mean, I never wanted to be a therapist on the air. I just found that if you do that, you don’t know who you’re serving. So the podcast allows me to re-create a community, while at the same time still having privacy.

On one of the many things she hopes to accomplish with her new book about affairs . . .

I’ve been trying to [talk about] a culture of respect, [as opposed to] a culture of punishment and shaming. . . . I want a culture where people take responsibility; if they feel too ashamed, they don’t take responsibility. They hide. I prefer to help people heal than to help them punish. I wrote “The State of Affairs’’ because I think that we need a new conversation: How do we create something where people are accountable, but [the conversation] also is caring and compassionate?

On men and women having empathy for each other’s experiences . . .

I mean, can we finally get out of the binary system? It’s about men being able to be vulnerable, and it’s about women being able to be safely angry. Ultimately, that’s what the conversation is about. It’s not just about men understanding women. I frankly don’t think that the socialization of men or of women is fundamentally easier on men than on women. The making of the woman has many pressures, but the making of a man has its own pressures, too. We are born women, and we become men. Men constantly have to prove that they are real men. And their identity is a lot more fragile, ultimately. It is constantly put to the test. There is no civilization where people need to go into the woods for a week to prove that they are women.

On policy . . .

Why is this country the only Western country where maternity leave is a disability leave? Why is this the only Western country that doesn’t have maternity leave and paternity leave built in? Why is this the only Western country that doesn’t have a public health policy on adolescent sexuality? In America, sex is the risk factor. In Europe, in Belgium where I’m from, sex is a natural part of life. Being irresponsible is the risk. So we have public health campaigns that teach young people to be responsible, not to avoid it.

On how American perceptions of sex affect how we interact . . .

Americans don’t flirt, they score. It’s very different. They flirt in order to score. Any woman knows the difference when she is being complemented and when she’s being degraded.

On a common problem we’ve both heard from women — that if they make any sacrifices for a relationship, they fear they’re “losing themselves,’’ or betraying their feminism . . .

One of the examples was a woman who was talking about how she had a boyfriend, the boyfriend had a job, and now she was going to be moving [elsewhere] to be with him. And that woman said, “Here it is — it’s me who has to give up my career and follow the guy.’’ And I said, “That’s so interesting, the way you’re looking at this.’’ You see, power doesn’t always just come from the top down. Power is something that is much more fluid. Imagine that instead of thinking, “His job is more important than mine,’’ you said, “His job is more static. It’s not so flexible.’’ If he can acknowledge his dependence on you, and you can acknowledge that you have power to make the relationship sustain, you have both entered into the missing parts of the traditional gender roles. In this instance, he gets to acknowledge his dependence, and you get to acknowledge your agency.

On what a world-renowned couples therapist gives as a wedding present . . .

I’m actually about to officiate my first wedding. So, that’s a gift. But until now, I have done more and more vows. I sit with people and help them write vows because I know that the vows I’m hearing are just out of touch. Instead of “I will wipe any tear that streams down your face, so that you will never ever again feel sad,’’ or whatever, I’ve written, “I’m going to [expletive] up on a regular basis, and on occasion I hope I can take responsibility for it.’’ If you come up with a vow like that, more people will listen.

MEREDITH GOLDSTEIN

Meredith Goldstein writes Love Letters, at boston.com/loveletters. Send letters to meredith.goldstein@globe.com.