Q. I have a son who is 33 years old. We are very close. We see him every day.

He met a girl in Arizona (we live on the East Coast). This girl lives 2,000 miles away!

I know he is grown and has every right to do as he pleases. My concern is he has only known this girl three months and is leaving behind his family, friends, and a good job in order to change his life. I love him dearly and I am having a very hard time understanding and accepting his decision.

Do I have the right to feel like he is being selfish, leaving us all behind, in order to be with someone he has known a few months?

Heartbroken

A. I’m always intrigued when someone with a problem asks if they “have the right’’ to feel a certain way. Generally, each of us simply feels the way we feel, and we all have the right to our feelings.

However, I’m going to break with my long-standing practice of responding empathetically to this whole “do I have the right...’’ query and say to you, now:

No. you do not have the right to brand your 33-year-old son as selfish for wanting to live his life the way he wants to, with whomever he wants to, and where he wants to.

I realize it is challenging to face the reality that your son wants to break away from hearth and home. You have two choices: to accept this situation with your fingers crossed for the best possible outcome, or to react in such a way that makes your son’s choice all about you. If you choose the second path, you can expect him to perhaps never return.

Q. Nine months ago, I got a job in America and moved from my home country of Ireland.

When I moved, my girlfriend and I decided that we would stay together long distance but could “hook up’’ with other people.

I recently spent the night with a woman, which would be well within the arrangement my girlfriend and I have, except that I have developed feelings for this new woman.

My girlfriend in Ireland means a lot to me, but I won’t be returning there anytime soon, and she isn’t planning to move to the US.

The thought of letting go of my relationship with her pains me, but I understand that it may not be entirely viable in the long run.

This new woman and I have a meaningful connection, but I met her only recently. I feel caught between my desire to pursue a relationship with her and my desire to be loyal to my girlfriend. Do you have any advice?

Foot in Both Worlds

A. You and your girlfriend made this naive agreement because you were going to be living a world away from each other. You knew the temptations you would both be facing, but didn’t want to break up. At this point, she, too, might have decided to have a second date with someone she slept with.

There are no guarantees that this new relationship will work out for you, but the most compassionate thing you can do is to be honest with your girlfriend, and release her to pursue other relationships, as you are doing.

Amy Dickinson can be reached at askamy@tribpub.com.