Q. I used to see this guy at the gym and always thought he was extremely cute. One day we matched on Tinder, so I introduced myself. We went on several dates over three weeks and it was going well — but then he found out that his mom had an advanced cancer.

It’s been around two months now and I’m falling for him hard. He says he wants to keep it casual because his head is not in the right place, which is completely understandable. But he says he enjoys spending time with me and wants to continue seeing me, just with no pressure.

He went to visit his mother recently, and since he’s been back, he’s stopped initiating as much. But whenever I ask him to spend time with me, he is always enthusiastic and agrees to see me. I don’t know if I can carry on with this, as I know this is only the beginning of the horrible journey for him. He is already at the stage where we can’t be sexual, no matter how much we both try, because he is too anxious. I want to stick around but I feel there’s no point. But I don’t want to let him go because I like him so much, and I think we could have worked out if it wasn’t for what has been going on. What should I do?

Bad Timing

A. This man has told you everything you need to know. He’s explained his boundaries and expectations, and has given you space to figure out how you want to pursue his company. That’s pretty impressive considering all that’s on his mind.

Now it’s time for you to follow his lead and set some boundaries of your own. Maybe you can be a friend to him but go on dates with other people. Maybe it’s better to give yourself some time away to reset your feelings. You want to be kind to this man, but you also have to take care of yourself.

You say that this could have worked out if the timing had been better. Maybe that’s true, but timing is sort of everything. Assume that the status quo will continue, and make decisions accordingly.MEREDITH

READERS RESPOND:

This is where people need to be a little more empathetic and let someone deal with whatever they need to deal with instead of framing it around what you want. That’s an ego approach to life. Instead of focusing on what’s not going exactly the way you want, how about being grateful that you got to know him. Send good vibes to him, but shift your focus to not wanting something from him, but doing things for yourself.

BKLYNMOM

Seriously??? The guy is going through something horrible, he told you he wants to keep things casual, yet you keep badgering him and then complain you’re not getting enough sex? Wow. If you like him, keep seeing him CASUALLY, on his terms for now while he balances family life vs. his social life. Give him the space he already told you he needs. If you can’t do that, go away and leave him alone.BOSTONSWEETS21

If his method of dealing with adversity is to fall to pieces, do you really want to saddle yourself with a guy like that?NOTSOFRESHPRINCE

Doesn’t sound like he’s falling to pieces to me — just that being there for his mother during her illness, and dealing with his fears over what might be the outcome, takes precedence over putting the effort into a romance that was barely three weeks old when he got the news about his mother’s diagnosis. A little FYI: A diagnosis of ADVANCED cancer means starting immediately on a devastating series of procedures and therapies, all in the hopes of saving your life — and believe me, NOTSOFRESHPRINCE, you need the constant support of family and friends when you go through something like that.JESNANA

Back off and give him as much space as he needs. He’s going through one of the worst times of his life right now, and unless you’ve been through the same thing yourself you have no idea how difficult it is. Let him know that you’re there for him if he needs you, but let go of your own expectations for now.

BETTYMCBOOPFACE

He needs a friend right now, not a girlfriend or a girl who is trying to be his girlfriend. If you can be his friend and remove the relationship pressure, then sure, be a friend. If not, then you should back off — and frankly, it doesn’t sound like you can just be his friend. He’s been honest with you, and it’s high time you were honest with yourself. You are still hoping for a relationship even though you know he isn’t up for one. That’s not cool — so stop it.

JUST-ANOTHER-BOSTONIAN

He’s just not that into you. And he’s using his mom’s illness to keep you at a distance because he doesn’t have the stones to say he’s not interested. Sounds like your gut knows this but you won’t accept it.TYE—DYE—BRAIN—FRYE

This guy is going through one of life’s horrible journeys, as you put it. I understand that you may not be able to completely get where he is coming from but to draw a line in the sand now will only ruin what could be a really good friendship. Or more. Your choice. If he is as great as you say (and he certainly sounds like it), perhaps you can take a step back and appreciate what he is going through and be there for him as a friend. If you can’t, let him go. He needs consistent support from people who are around him. Doesn’t sound like you can do that for him.

PATSFAN79

Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters. Send letters to meredith.goldstein@globe.com.