Q. I used to have a tightknit group of neighborhood friends with kids the same age. We did everything together. I feel like a teenager confessing this, but I have serious FOMO. Lately my 8-year-old son has broken away from the group. He’s not into sports like the other kids; he’s more bookish and prefers doing things alone. This has influenced my own friendships. The moms get together with their kids for camping trips, vacations, and play dates after T-ball games, and we’re not included anymore — and I’m sure it’s because of my son.

I miss the friendships that blossomed so naturally when the kids were younger. It stings to see their gatherings on social media, but I also want my?son to be who he is. My husband thinks I’m overreacting, but I feel lonely. What do I do?

Kara: I feel you. We might be adults, but that doesn’t mean we’re impervious to the prickly emotions that come with exclusion and loss. It hurts to hear about friends getting together without you. You wonder if you did something wrong. You wonder if you’re not fun. You feel 12 years old all over again. You’re not a bad person for experiencing this.

It’s extra hard, too, because this is your community, and you probably banked on these people sticking around for a while. Neighborhoods can become like college dorms; you see the same faces day after day, and friendships naturally form.

That said, don’t catastrophize. Ask yourself: Are these people getting together all the time without you? Or are you cherry-picking Facebook moments and concocting a fantasy world where people are sipping white wine around a campfire without you? Give yourself a reality check.

Secondly, as my Nana used to say, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. It’s a big world out there. What other communities do you belong to? Do you have friends from school, work, hobbies, elsewhere? These neighbors can’t be your only lifeline. Adult friendships are fluid and often situational. What other situations can you create for yourself that might generate new friends? You can’t expect your son to create your social life.

Thirdly, have you talked to your neighborhood pals about this? What’s the shame in commenting on the newfound distance? Don’t let pride get in the way of candor. These friendships have probably grown stronger organically, not because anyone is excluding you as the Bookworm’s Mom.

Tell your friends you miss them. Suggest a get-together. Address the elephant in the room — they might be afraid to, for fear of sounding judgmental about your kid.

And, finally, remember that this has nothing to do with your son and?everything to do with you, so leave him out of it and let the kid enjoy his books. Unless he’s bullying these neighbors or behaving nastily while around them, this is not his problem.

David: I’m less sympathetic than Kara, I guess. Look, you may be feeling some FOMO, but is it going to be even weirder for your son that you’re building a social life around the families of his former friends? Without knowing all the specifics, it sounds like your feelings of exclusion ought to be the second priority here. The subtle way that you’re putting your social needs on your son’s shoulders is potentially trouble down the line. Just cut that out entirely and look at it from his perspective: Growing up is hard enough without feeling like you’re responsible for your mom’s social life.

Adult friends come and go, particularly when they’re pinned to your kids’ activities. Really close friendships can be sustained with effort, but you can’t expect every cohort to maintain intact. So sure, reach out to them about getting together if you like them as friends, but also be ready to move on if it’s not working. Call up some other friends, people with deeper ties, people you didn’t meet through your child, and plan a get-together.

It stinks to be excluded, but attaching that feeling to your son’s social connections isn’t going to help. If you can maintain those friendships without activities that force your son into friend groups he doesn’t want to be part of, or make him feel he’s letting you down, go for it. But if you drag him into some rafting trip where he feels isolated and unwelcome, you’re going to be arguing with him about it for decades. Make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons.

If you want them in your life, shift the context away from the kids. You say they’re neighbors: Host a barbecue or something, an activity that’s not tied to the kids’ hobbies. Having the families over as neighbors gives you a chance to socialize without the weight of a getaway or of enrolling your son in an activity against his will. He may even like hanging out with the other kids, separate from the expectations of school or a team. If he has a lousy time, he’s getting valuable social experience, but he at least won’t feel like you’ve chosen them over him.

Kara Baskin is a mom, a journalist, and the author of “Size Matters: The Hard Facts About Male Sexuality That Every Woman Should Know.’’ Follow her on Twitter @kcbaskin. David Mogolov is a dad, a comedian, and a playwright. Follow him on Twitter @davidmogolov. Send parenting questions to parenting.globe @gmail.com