Q. “Wondering Girl’’ was a teen girl who had a crush on a guy who seemed to be picking on her. In addition to other things, he told her he wanted to help change her into “being a better person.’’

Please stop equating a guy having a crush on you with abuse. You told “Wondering’’ that “his behavior toward you is the equivalent of a fourth-grader punching a girl in the arm when he likes her.’’

If we are going to end domestic violence in this country, we have to teach people, especially our children, that hurting people is not a sign of affection. We all need to use our words.

In addition, if this guy is already trying to change her, this is not a healthy relationship. Your friends accept you for who you are, flaws and all. They point out troublesome behaviors they see in you without being mean. Maybe this guy does have a crush on “Wondering.’’ Or maybe he’s just a jerk.

Been there, done that.

Kim

A. I don’t consider fourth graders punching each other in the arm as “abuse,’’ but I take your excellent point and your interpretation of this dynamic, and I thank you for offering it.

Amy Dickinson can be reached at askamy@tribpub.com.