Q. One of my female best friends of many years had a fling with one of my male best friends, “James,’’ a few months ago. They were never in a relationship and only met up twice (they did sleep together once) before James cut it off and they both agreed that they didn’t want anything serious. After it happened, I asked my best friend how she felt about James, and she kept saying that she did not have real feelings for him.

James and I had kissed a few times before their fling, but it never meant anything it was just a bit of fun. I recently started to develop feelings for him, though, and ended up drunkenly hooking up with him. I didn’t think it was a big deal — my best friend told me she had no feelings for him — but then the other day she told me that she “had, in fact, had feelings for him when they had their fling, but is now over it.’’ James and I wound up hooking up one more time after that.

Yesterday, though, I found out from another friend that she actually still likes him, and I immediately felt terrible and told my best friend about the first hookup. I couldn’t bring myself to admit that it had happened a second time. She was upset and has asked me to leave her alone for a while.

I have distanced myself from James and nothing will ever happen with him again, but I feel guilty about not being completely honest with my best friend. If I tell her about the second hookup, I risk losing both of my best friends and causing her more pain, but if I don’t, I will continue to feel guilty and definitely lose her if she found out I haven’t been honest. Please help me; I hate myself right now for being such a bad friend and would do anything to go back in time and undo it all.Bad Friend

A. This is one of those letters that calls for a picture. I really want to see James. I imagine him smiling.

As for advice: You’re being a bit hard on yourself, don’t you think? Your friend wasn’t honest about her feelings. You had to hear the truth from another friend, and as soon as you did, you set new boundaries.

I’d let her know (via e-mail?) that when she’s ready to talk, you’re ready to listen. Then you can ask her whether she wants to have an honest conversation about what went down with James, or whether she’d rather just move on from it and focus on the present. If she wants to move on, you don’t have to bring up the second hookup. It sounds like it’d be healthier if everyone let it go.Meredith

READERS RESPOND:

No ages given, but I somehow picture this going on in a nursing home.

STAUGUSTINE

You’ve only got this week of classes to stick things out and then you’ll be out of school for the summer and all of this will blow over before you are back in school in the fall. Good luck in high school!

JIM-IN-LITTLETON

I think this is where someone’s supposed to say, “if you’re grown up enough to have sex, you’re grown up enough to deal with the consequences.’’MCDIMMERSON

This is odd. This girlfriend told you repeatedly she wasn’t into James. Why are you beating yourself up for having a fling with him? Separately, are you into him and would you like to pursue a relationship with him? If so, I would suggest you do that, while trying to mend fences with your friend by being empathetic to her concerns. But really. If she was going to lie about it she needs to know there are consequences. If she is going to hang onto this I think you need to distance yourself from HER.

JCDOHIO

To me it doesn’t look like James is interested in either of you. He is just there for a happy time, when either of you are ready. Forget about the incidents. Me? I wouldn’t keep him as a “best friend.’’

PINGO

*fist-bumps James*

CORNY-MCCORNCOB

Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters. Send letters to meredith.goldstein@globe.com.